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| A picture of Sars, the Potzers' head coach. (public domain, source) |
"...and Bob Bifford saying hello from the Lar Guardians Playground for tonight's match-up between the Lar Guardians and their guests, the Plaguescape Potzers."
"And the Potzers arrived in a particularly bad mood at the playground this afternoon, Bob."
"That's right, Jim, their season starter against the Barack Varr Black Dragons didn't go exactly as they planned and they lost their first season game with 2 - 0 already."
"Rumors go that Sars, the Potzers head coach, threatened them all with disinfectant if they don't do something about their game quickly."
"Well, Jim, we are about to see if that helped as the Lar Guardians kick off the ball."
"And the Guardians #4 Garfindel surgically kicks the ball into the Potzers' far left corner."
"Toxoplasma Gondii blocks and the Guardians' #7 goes down. He's holding his head, Jim."
"That's right, Bob, the medic's examination is under way and now he's being lead to the injured box."
"In the meantime, Vibrio Cholerae, the Potzers' Pestigor, picks up the ball."
"I am curious to see what we'll get to see of him tonight, Bob, as a rivalry has developped between him and the Dragon's Sparky Karekson who's in the lead with one touchdown."
"The Wood Elves are trying to apply pressure into the direction of ball carrier Vibrio, but instantly fail when Zafiriel blows the block."
"Now that's what I call a wasted re-roll, Bob."
"You say it, Jim, but the lack of re-rolls for fights like these is constantly a problem for Firlionel, the Guardians head coach."
"The Potzers make it clear that Vibrio is determined to carry the ball to the end zone as he gets close to the 50 yard line."
"The Bloaters send very clear signals indeed, Jim."
"And there we have the second Guardians' casualty, Bob."
"This time it's the unlucky #12 Tossaniel and he goes straight to the injured box."
"So that's the second injury on the Potzers second turn. Sounds like the Guardians' apothecaries are going to have a long night tonight, Bob."
"I still wonder what his parents were thinking when they named him Tossaniel, Jim."
"Doesn't matter now, Bob, as the Potzers are clearing out a path on the left flank."
"And there we have the third casualty, Jim."
"The Elves try to put themselves in the Potzers' way, but the Potzers' sick presence must be unbearable."
"On the right flank the Rotters with the block and Lumaniel goes down. He stays restless on the grass. The medic arrives... and shakes his head. He's dead, Jim."
"Bob, this is no good omen for the Guardians whose defense is all but completely dissolved."
"Bindaniel with the attempt to block the Bloater and Bribundionel squeezing through in an attempt to get to Vibrio, but to no avail."
"Vibrio acts like he doesn't care and continues to run the ball towards the Guardians' end zone."
"And we are just in time for the next casualty, Kalidoniel is carried away to the injured box."
"This is crazy, Bob, it's not even halftime yet and four Elves are already out of the game."
"I am surprised they are still able to draft young talents, Jim."
"You can't win an Elf over with a keg of Bugmann's, that's for sure Bob."
"Number 5 catcher Bindaniel breaks free in a last effort to blitz Vibrio for a loss of the ball, but both players go down..."
"One last very unnatural twitch by the heroic Bindaniel as coach Finkenstein faints on the sideline."
"I wouldn't call this heroic, Jim."
"You are right, Bob, this was plain stupid."
"Vibrio has lost the ball..."
"...but manages to get up again while his buddies screen him off..."
"But the second catcher, Ulminiel, manages to break away as well and goes for the Blitz!"
"Are those Wood Elves catchers insane, Jim???"
"Vibrio shrugs off the blitz... and we have a touchdown."
"Are you surprised we have the first touchdown scored by the Potzers, Jim?"
"Yes and no, Bob. Wood Elves normally do everything to play the ball early, but the Guardians lack of physical dominance could be seen already in last week's pre-seasoner against the Dragons."
"The Potzers with the kick... oh my god, they missed the ball by a full yard!"
"We see a touchback, Bob, and #6 Ulminiel, the surviving catcher, gets the ball at the 50 yard line..."
"...and carries it far to the Potzers' end zone. Oh my god, Bob, can you see those stupid faces?"
"The Potzers desperately try to move back their defense with Vibrio..."
"...but Ulminel with an elegant side-step and the score's a tie!"
"Clean kick by the Wood Elves as the ball goes into the Potzers' midfield..."
"...just to see the end of the first half."
"Jim, they say it's best to do out with the old and in with the new, so we have a second half and another attempt by the Wood Elves to score."
"Substantial better kick by Nurgle's boys this time, Bob. The ball goes into the Guardians right side..."
"...but Garfindel gets it and throws..."
"...to a reliable Ulminiel with the catch!"
"The Potzers' defense paid better attention this time and throws Ulminiel out of bounds into the spectators who immediately proceed to beat him up!"
"Wow, what a rookie's mistake, Jim! Ulminiel should know that running that close to the border is dangerous even in an attempt to evade the defense!"
"Well, Bob, tonight it seems like we are supposed to give credit for trying."
"Jim, while all the attention was on Uliminiel, Garfindel and Sertaniel decided to teach Nurgle's #4 Leishmania Donovani a lesson!"
"That brought Leishmania to the ground indeed, Bob, but more significantly Vibrio is back at the ball!"
"Jim, the Potzers now start to screen the remaining Wood Elves rather than their ball carrier!"
"Leishmania with reinforcements to help him get rid of those pests."
"Now that's kinda ironic, Jim, isn't it?"
"Vibrio back at the 50 yard line and he is going strong."
"Going strong..."
"Number 3 Taritiel tries to catch up..."
"...but Vibrio Cholere is running off and scores!"
"The Plaguescape Potzers with the 2 - 1 lead as the Wood Elves receive the ball again."
"Garfindel with the Long Bomb to Ulminiel, assisted by Sertaniel who manages to knock over a Bloater who'd like to go after the catcher."
"Ulminiel now not that close to the spectators, yet the Beast of Nurgle finally manages to grab him!"
"A quick brawl among the Potzers' fans when a handful starts to chant 'To the hospital! To the hospital!" while the other Nurgle devotees angrily try to hush them."
"Ulminiel back on his feet with the attempt to get the ball back from Vibrio again, but there's the referee's whistle and the game's over."
"So what did we learn from tonight's game, Bob?"
"Well, Jim, it looks like last week's defeat against the Dragons was just a slip. The Potzers compensate their occasional lack of experience with literally brutal efficiency. Vibrio Cholerae is the game maker we hoped him to be at the start of the evening."
"Quite impressive indeed, Bob. What about the Lar Guardians?"
"Well, Jim, they haven't found out of their valley yet. They sure could have tied the game, but even the most agile player can't move the ball when the lights go out."
"Well, that's it for tonight folks and thanks for watching. Signing off is Jim Johnson..."
"...and Bob Bifford. Good night, folks."
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